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Top 10 Signs YOU are a Hindu Fanatic

February 8, 2009

Inspired by David Letterman’s Top 10 list jokes and Top 10 Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian I decided to create my own list – ‘Top 10 signs you are a Hindu fanatic’. I wanted to include some other signs but that would have made the list too long (as if it wasn’t !!) so I decided to put together what I thought would fit the top 10 list better. The numbering of my Top 10 list is random and doesn’t mean any sort of heirarchy. The list is work in progress and I may modify or add to it later however suggestions would be very much appreciated. If I get enough suggestions, I might add to this list to make it a Top 15 or Top 20 list.

 

 

 

 

Top 10 Signs You Are a Hindu Fanatic

 

10. You believe anyone who wears even so much as a saffron underwear is a human incarnation of ‘Jagat Brahman‘ (God) and address them as “baba”, “swami”, “shri shri” finding the servile pleasure of touching their feet ‘intoxicating’.

 

9. You defend militantly everything the saffron-clad swamis have to preach, no matter how illogical and ridiculous, and believe that he/she will solve all your problems only if you continue singing bhajans (devotional songs).

 

 

 

 

8.  You eject out of your chair at the slightest noise of someone uttering the word ‘Hinduism’ accusing the person of ignorance and launching into a lengthy diatribe on why the fool needs to address Hinduism as ‘Sanatana Dharma’.

 

7. You think all Muslims are “terrorists” and call any person who does not support the ‘Hindutva’ cause as an anti-Hindu, anti-India, pseudo-secular communist.

 

6. You accuse Muslims of being intolerant and yet become endlessly peeved at the distorted displays of hindu symbols or the use of hindu deities in works of art or movies by non-hindus and take boundless pride in protesting against such distortions or threatening them with dire consequences.

 

5. You spend hundreds of idle hours trying to find the ‘real’ meaning of different hindu symbols and slokas and take immense pride whenever the western media mentions something remotely Hindu  – convinced that it is an undeniable evidence supporting the ‘greatness’ of  “Hindu civilization”

 

4. You accuse ‘goras’(whites, but typically means Christians) of being racist when they ridicule Hindus but find no problems cracking Chinese jokes, Sardar jokes or even supporting the caste system by deciding not to marry outside your caste.

 

3. You find fairy tales of other religions amusing and entertaining but consider the epic fairy tales of Ramayana and Mahabharata as ‘itihaas’ (history).

 

2. You have no idea what a ‘testable hypothesis’ is but proudly claim that the Vedas are scientific works, distorting slokas and quoting personal opinion of scientists to make your case.

 

1. You have never read the entire Bhagavad Gita or other hindu religious texts but feel you are competent enough to talk about them loudly just because you read a few Amar Chitra Katha comics when you were a kid.

 

 

 

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24 Comments leave one →
  1. February 8, 2009 5:06 pm

    ha ha … My favorite is #8.

    • Sonu permalink
      September 19, 2012 8:45 pm

      hahaha… seriously bro same feeling. I’ve a engineer friend who always blabber this sanatan dharma shit

      • Sonu permalink
        September 19, 2012 8:46 pm

        I’ve an*
        @admin: please correct that grammatical mistake :)

  2. February 8, 2009 10:53 pm

    Hilarious….although #7 is just undeniable fact at present

  3. February 9, 2009 1:09 pm

    All true- but on the Amar Chitra Kathas- they have not been read either.

    • nitwitnastik permalink*
      February 9, 2009 1:43 pm

      @Allytude

      Ssshhhh !!..don’t be so truthful Sir. What ??? !! You haven’t read the Amar Chitra Kathas? !! Aren’t you aware of the divine messages in them? You are surely a muslim terrorist or a lower caste hindu fanatic then. You can never dream of rising through the ranks of Hindu fanaticism if you ever decide to join them. LOL !! :-)

  4. February 14, 2009 12:35 am

    This post is awesome. Again, one cannot be a Hindu Fanatic …you are always a Sanatana Dharmi !! :) :)

  5. Disenchanted permalink
    November 2, 2009 2:07 am

    You forgot to add one more point . That is breastbeat & cry ‘ indooism is in danger ‘

  6. Sunil Nivargi permalink
    September 27, 2010 6:39 am

    Good, Nastik! Many other signs may be added, though you have summed them up nicely. For instance, being hysterically sensitive and protective and vaguely “proud” about our ” Samskaras” , our” Chaturvarnya” system and Manu, our ancient texts and “sciences” like astrology, Ayurveda. Believing only our religion to be the tolerant and a ” cosmic” religion. Reacting an innocent “why not” when you object to such nasty dictums in our religion: Na stree swatantryam arhati( a woman doesn’t deserve freedom) or dhol chamar pashu nari ye sab taadan ke adhikari( a drum, a beast, a low caste and a woman- they all deserve to be beaten fiercely!)

  7. hindu lover permalink
    January 27, 2011 10:30 am

    wat a bad post i want 2 say if want 2 call me hindu fanatic call me i am proud 2 here me like that.the owner dnt knw anything glory of hinduism our veda hav large packets of knowledge only man who read it knw it u like illiterate dnt knw anything of.fuck off illterate because of u like mad guys india is yet 2 be developed

    • Sonu permalink
      September 19, 2012 8:54 pm

      “fuck off illterate because of u like mad guys india is yet 2 be developed”
      laughing my fucking ass off dude… india is in such ridiculous condition because of you guys. people like you have so much of mental illness that you start believing in some amateur magician a superpower. #saibaba

  8. Kerala Hindu Samooham. permalink
    May 25, 2011 9:19 pm

    Its indeed with a sad heart and hurt feelings that we write this. What good do you get by mocking at your own people and religion son? Try this with Islam and your muslim friends and see how they would react.

    Yes hinduism is sanathan dharma, its also real indian patriotism, for its the hindu for whom the soil of bharath is sacred and not the xtian or musalman, who inspite of their forgotten hindu ancestry, consider jerusalem as their holy land and dreams that it would have been wonderful if some arab or white was their ancestor.

    I am a Hindu and I am proud to be one, no matter what my caste is or what my color is, I represent a group of Hindus from kerala, we have brahmins among us, we have so called kshathrias and shoodras among us, but we are nothing more than Hindu brothers…. Because our ancestors were hindus and therefore we are proud of our ancestry. (Hope you understand what ancestry means, son.) Please stop this.

    • April 24, 2013 1:22 am

      Try to remember that it isn’t the soil of any one place on earth that is especially sacred. The earth is one single entity, and all of its land is sacred (if you want to call it that). However what’s much more important are the people that live here (in India). Do learn to treat them all, with the same respect that you would like to be treated yourself. Remember that it is Hinduism that created the most awful of all divides that could exist between human beings, that of Casteism. For just that one issue alone (and there are others) Hinduism ought to be shunned.

  9. slimy permalink
    September 6, 2011 8:43 pm

    ayurveda is science. if you are not well versed with it, doesn’t make it a pseduo science. similary anything else you are not well versed with, doesn’t automatically become pseudoscience.

  10. October 18, 2011 2:10 am

    i am fanatic hindu and a am prouyd on it, mai apne dharm ke liye kisi ka balidan de sakta ho

    • rknaidu permalink
      May 3, 2012 6:54 pm

      Sharma,shastry,Sanyasi,Cow,Rat,snake,Drupadi madam,Three heads Brhma are all BRHMINS

  11. varun permalink
    July 24, 2012 5:37 am

    You should be ashamed that you are writing this….you a complete uneducated filty louth and sadly a hindu.

    If you really know the meaning of hindutva its a way of life of hindus or ancient indians before the.muslim invasion.

    Hindus are not against muslims thy are against the muslim radicalism which in turn makes hindus feel insecure about thier existence.

    and this isnt really your fault this is a flaw in indian secularism and paid media who changed the real meaning of hindutva and opposed uniform civil code like in EU and the US.

    Yes i havent read bhagwat gita aur even mahbharata becuase my religion doesnt forces me to do so….hinduism is not a religion its a way of life…

    learn more before writing such articles

    God Bless.

    • nitwitnastik permalink*
      August 17, 2012 9:08 am

      You said

      “Yes i havent read bhagwat gita aur even mahbharata”

      “learn more before writing such articles ”

      Need I say more? LOL !

  12. Himanshu permalink
    August 8, 2012 5:02 am

    Amazing Post…

    I loved it.

  13. October 31, 2012 8:26 am

    I challenge the idiot who wrote this post to write something similar about islam. DO IT IF YOU ARE A MAN !!! If hindus were fanatic, by now you would be beheaded on charges of blasphemy in this hindu-majority country for writing such stuff. Try this out with islam in pakistan or saudi arabia. In islamic countries, the internet is heavily censored to check any material blasphemous to islam, and the writers of those materials are sentenced to death. But the fact that people like you can get away by writing such stuff in this hindu-majority country shows how tolerant hindus are. Had hindus been fanatic, India would have been a hindu theocratic state in 1947, but despite being a hindu-majority country it chose to be secular inspite of the muslims getting a separate country for themselves. INDIA IS A SECULAR COUNTRY JUST BECAUSE 80% OF ITS POPULATION IS HINDU ! SHOW A SINGLE MUSLIM-MAJORITY COUNTRY WHICH IS SECULAR. Hindus have never invaded any foreign country to impose the hindu religion on them. Hinduism is not a proselytizing expansionist religion like islam or christianity. While hindus say ” sarvadharma samabhava ” ( all religions are the same ), the christians say ” jesus is the only way to salvation “, and the muslims say ” islam will conquer the world “.
    Lastly, I AM PROUD TO BE A HINDU ! JAI SREE RAM !!!!

    • nitwitnastik permalink*
      December 17, 2012 9:59 am

      Check out the rest of my blog. I have answered that question before

  14. October 31, 2012 8:38 am

    A question – why are you all atheists anti-hindu ? Atheists must be equidistant from ALL religions, and not selectively target hinduism. Why you have ONLY the symbol OM crossed at the top of the webpages of this website, and why NOT the crescent moon, or the christian crucifix symbol, or any other religious symbol ? WHY ?
    I know, you dont have the guts to do this to any other religion. Hindus are far too liberal.

    • nitwitnastik permalink*
      December 17, 2012 10:00 am

      How many atheists have you known? You see what you want to see. Have you checked out the rest of my blog ?

    • stam permalink
      March 26, 2013 10:01 pm

      Atheism is mostly Christianity-centric, contrary to what you think. Most atheist literature in the world critiques Christianity, and if you compare it with the critique of Hinduism, the later is such a minuscule part of the body of atheist literature. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS, IT SIMPLY MEANS YOU HAVE’NT READ MUCH.

      We need more of the critique of Hinduism, which has seen extreme radicalization and spreading intolerance among its followers in the recent times. It is nice to see this post, which mocks the hypocrisy of the fanatic ‘Sanathana dharmis’ for a change (they consider themselves ‘tolerent’ and are ready to RIOT AND KILL who oppose that deluded view of themselves!) .

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