Top 10 Signs YOU are a Hindu Fanatic
Inspired by David Letterman’s Top 10 list jokes and Top 10 Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian I decided to create my own list – ‘Top 10 signs you are a Hindu fanatic’. I wanted to include some other signs but that would have made the list too long (as if it wasn’t !!) so I decided to put together what I thought would fit the top 10 list better. The numbering of my Top 10 list is random and doesn’t mean any sort of heirarchy. The list is work in progress and I may modify or add to it later however suggestions would be very much appreciated. If I get enough suggestions, I might add to this list to make it a Top 15 or Top 20 list.
Top 10 Signs You Are a Hindu Fanatic
10. You believe anyone who wears even so much as a saffron underwear is a human incarnation of ’Jagat Brahman‘ (God) and address them as “baba”, “swami”, “shri shri” finding the servile pleasure of touching their feet ‘intoxicating’.
9. You defend militantly everything the saffron-clad swamis have to preach, no matter how illogical and ridiculous, and believe that he/she will solve all your problems only if you continue singing bhajans (devotional songs).
8. You eject out of your chair at the slightest noise of someone uttering the word ‘Hinduism’ accusing the person of ignorance and launching into a lengthy diatribe on why the fool needs to address Hinduism as ‘Sanatana Dharma’.
7. You think all Muslims are “terrorists” and call any person who does not support the ‘Hindutva’ cause as an anti-Hindu, anti-India, pseudo-secular communist.
6. You accuse Muslims of being intolerant and yet become endlessly peeved at the distorted displays of hindu symbols or the use of hindu deities in works of art or movies by non-hindus and take boundless pride in protesting against such distortions or threatening them with dire consequences.
5. You spend hundreds of idle hours trying to find the ‘real’ meaning of different hindu symbols and slokas and take immense pride whenever the western media mentions something remotely Hindu – convinced that it is an undeniable evidence supporting the ‘greatness’ of “Hindu civilization”
4. You accuse ‘goras’(whites, but typically means Christians) of being racist when they ridicule Hindus but find no problems cracking Chinese jokes, Sardar jokes or even supporting the caste system by deciding not to marry outside your caste.
3. You find fairy tales of other religions amusing and entertaining but consider the epic fairy tales of Ramayana and Mahabharata as ‘itihaas’ (history).
2. You have no idea what a ‘testable hypothesis’ is but proudly claim that the Vedas are scientific works, distorting slokas and quoting personal opinion of scientists to make your case.
1. You have never read the entire Bhagavad Gita or other hindu religious texts but feel you are competent enough to talk about them loudly just because you read a few Amar Chitra Katha comics when you were a kid.